Diablo Cody Annoys the Shit Out of Me

Will Diablo Cody just go the fuck away already? This quirky bullshit love folks have for her and her Juno movie has just about hit the rafters on the annoying meter. A site I recently plugged on this blog, 236.com, has “asked” Diablo (no, I don’t think her name is as cool as all the douches of the world think it is) to weigh in with an article about the Microsoft and Yahoo potential merger. If you didn’t know it was an offer of $44.6 billion by MS to take over Yahoo! I was going to write up an opinion but then I remembered, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

Thankfully, and I am praying here, this is all a spoof to make fun of not only the “big news” that is the merger, but also how annoying Miss Cody is.

Here is the first paragraph from the article, and please tell me you are laughing because this has got to be exactly how Diablo talks:

When I read that Microsoft was offering $44.6 billion for Yahoo, all I could say was “Holy Rollerball!” And then I said “Oh, my stars without makeup!” Then I took a break for lunch (a Top Ramen and Skippy peanut butter sandwich, a delicacy I hear was the favorite of a stoned Annette Funicello when she portrayed Dee Dee in “How to Stuff a Wild Bikini,” totally in the queue on my AnnetteFlix, natch). For Bill Gates, Microsoft’s wunderkind cum Übermensch, the Yahoo deal is the latest high-wire-rimmed balancing act of global domination versus do-not-pass-go, do-not-collect-200-dollars, houses-on-Marvin-Gardens monopoly. To be perfectly honest Abe Lincoln Logs, all this talk of regulatory transgressions only stirs my loamy loins for Billy Money-Bathgates. (Side note: Don’t worry, Jeff Bezos, I still think you’re shrineworthy and I’d love to be more than just Paypals with you. But in a Gates/Bez-off my geek love goes to Bill. His operating system is the Windows Vista to my soul.)

For anyone that watched “Dawson’s Creek” it’s as if Diablo said, “They think that’s a crazy vocab for high school students? Fuck that! I know a lot of ‘quirky’ things to say and maybe even a few big words!” And off she went to write her little script.

The article is quite funny considering they nail just about every single stupid quip, pun and “quirky” side-bar Cody would use in an effort to put an article of this nature together. Honest to blog… it is funny… give it a read and join me in the “I Hate (not really hate just annoyed by) Diablo Cody Fan Club”.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *