Top Ten Reasons NOT to Make ‘Batman 3’

Brad has officially added Batman 3 to the RopeofSilicon database, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to get made, it just means hopes are getting high. Everyone and their mom wants Batman 3. Without a doubt I want it. Sooner the better. And ,of course, since The Dark Knight made a zillion dollars, there will be a third one within the next few years. No question on that happening. However, just because we demand another sequel doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the smart move to make one. So here’s just a few things – some serious, some not so – that should cause you to pause before whining about the wait for Batman 3.

10. Expect More Annoying Viral Sites

Oh God, as soon as Batman 3 is announced, the Warner Bros. marketing department will murder the Internet with viral sites. Yes, they will literally choke the Internet to death by unleashing 200 billion sites – none of which will add any substance to the film. I don’t know about you, but I like the Internet, and don’t want it to die. How else will I get my porn?

9. Don’t Let Christopher Nolan Become the Next Sam Raimi

I remember a time long, long ago when Sam Raimi wasn’t the guy who only directed Spider-Man movies. He was a geek idol, a horror-film madman with a fetish for zany camera movements and hell-bent on forcing his audiences to simultaneously laugh while vomiting. And he even shocked critics with the stone-cold masterpiece A Simple Plan. Yet, all he makes these days are Spider-Man flicks. I know I know, he just finished Drag Me to Hell (yay for going back to your roots), but then he signed up for Spider-Man 4 and Spider-Man 5, to be filmed back-to-back. What a waste.

Don’t get me wrong. I love that Warner Bros handed the Batman franchise over to Christopher Nolan. This guy is a brilliant director (with the exception of Following, all of his films have ended up on my Top 10 Lists). And that’s the problem. I want to see the films Nolan has up his sleeve not involving men playing dress-up. It was great he made The Prestige in-between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I only hope he does the same before Batman 3. Otherwise, he’ll risk following in Raimi’s footsteps.

8. Batman 3 Could Cause the Global Economic Meltdown to Go Nuclear


Often a sequel is referendum on the previous film. For instance, just about everyone liked Batman Begins. However, it didn’t break any box-office records. Yet the millions who liked it told others about it and those people caught it on DVD or TV and liked it. And then when The Dark Knight opened, everyone wanted to see it in the theater because they really enjoyed the first one. And that translated into a smash-fest of box-office records. Then what normally happens is that people don’t like the sequel as much as the first one, and so they don’t flock to the third film. However, just about everybody loved The Dark Knight. So that means when part 3 opens, EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD will skip work and see this film opening day. If you think the global economy is bad now, Batman 3 will vaporize it. Think about this. Nothing in the entire world will get done for one day, perhaps even 3 if it opens on a Wednesday and everyone sees it again during the following days. Companies will go bankrupt from the billions lost in work productivity. Utter chaos. However, the upside is that Warner Bros., the one company in the entire world left in business, will have a nice day at the stock market and pretty much own Earth afterwards.

7. If EVERYONE Isn’t Back Then Just Don’t Make the Film

Yes, this is slightly contradictory to “Don’t Let Christopher Nolan Become the Next Sam Raimi.” However, if either Christopher Nolan and his writer brother Jonathan, Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine or Morgan Freeman don’t return for part 3, then why bother? Threequels often go awry because the original filmmakers or actors move on and the studio replaces them with hacks (paging Joel Schumacher and Brett Ratner). Every one of these guys is instrumental in the success of this franchise. Yes, even Caine and Freeman are integral. Their roles may be small. Yet, their performances lend a level of gravitas and credibility that has helped Nolan’s Batman transcend the popcorn flick stigmata.

6. Its Awesomeness Could Kill People

Perhaps Christopher Nolan will top the awesomeness of The Dark Knight. However, if he does, that will truly test the limits of how much awesomeness the human mind can take. And I wager that such awesomeness can kill.

5. How Do You Top Heath Ledger’s Joker? You Probably Can’t

I don’t know how you top Heath Ledger’s Joker, in both performance and character. Two-Face was a viable option. But noooo. Christopher Nolan had to create an epic and include Batman’s two greatest foes within the same film and kill off the one who could truly follow-up the Joker (Two-Face IS dead, deal with it). So since Nolan blew his wad, there’s a decent chance the next villain could be a major letdown, After all, how do you create villain who can inflict more pain on Batman that what the Joker did in The Dark Knight? Yeah, well his special lady friend already got blown up. So that’s out the window. Most people believe the next villain will be the Riddler, the Penguin or Catwoman. All fine villains. Yet none as good as Two-Face or the Joker. And don’t expect a recasting of the Joker. No actor in the world has the balls to try to fill Ledger’s clown shoes. However, whatever actor decides to take on the villain role in the next installment better bring their best game. The Ledger comparisons are a certainty.

4. The Threequel Curse

Superstitious? Sure. And I don’t refute the “Threequel Curse” makes a dumb reason not to attempt a third film. But then I remember in horror Batman ForeverBlade: TrinityX-Men: The Last StandSuperman III and etc. There has never been a good part 3 in a comic-book movie franchise (although, I won’t deny enjoying Spider-Man 3, but it’s a deeply flawed film). I say don’t tempt the cinema Gods.

3. The Inevitable Dumbass Villain-Guessing Game for the 4th Film

You know what the most annoying thing has been since the day after The Dark Knight opened? All the bullshit casting rumors – reported as legitimate fact – for the next installment’s villain. The avalanche of bullshit was slightly irritating after Batman Begins, but at least that was mostly between movie news sites. But holy Cher-as-Catwoman horseshit! After The Dark Knight all journalistic integrity belly-flopped off the ledge. Major news organizations were running with stories, such as Johnny Depp is the Riddler, despite the fact that the filmmakers haven’t created a story for the third film yet, much less begin offering roles to actors. And then I have to tell friends and family – who ask me, “Did you hear in the ‘New York Times’ that Burt Reynolds is playing Poison Ivy” – that they’re fucking idiots for believing such rubbish. And let me tell you, when they say they read it from a legit news source it’s much more difficult convincing them it’s hogwash, which means a migraine for yours truly.

2. How Can it Possibly Live Up to the Hype?

So everyone loved The Dark Knight. It made a billion dollars. There’s a good chance it will receive Oscar nominations in major categories. With that alone, the hype for the third one is nearly insurmountable. And it’s only going to snowball over the next few years. Christopher Nolan (assuming he is the director) will have to deliver a sure-fire masterpiece to please fans. And even if he does accomplish that, I’m certain many will still be disappointed. Nothing kills like overhype.

  1. We Don’t Even Need a Third Movie

While the The Dark Knight leaves a path open for a third story, it still provides closure on both a thematic and narrative level. Sure, Batman is the bad guy in the eyes of the police force, but that’s a common, continuing element of the Batman mythos, not necessarily a loose story thread. Shouldn’t we just be happy with the fact Nolan got it oh-so right in a one-two punch? What’s wrong with ending the story here? Absolutely nothing. If Warner Bros. announced tomorrow that they were pleased with the two films they got and weren’t bothering with a third one, I could live with that. Unfortunately, most could not.


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